Took a day off today from work cos I've been feeling really dizzy since yesterday, thus an update from me~
I just wanted to summarize my year 2011 and have a form of release for what's going on right now.
2011 has had it's ups and downs for me be it in my work or personal life.
All I can say is that I appreciate everything and everyone who has been there or even not there in my life.
I've held grudges against people and finally when it came into 2012, and i look back and think, why have I been torturing myself by holding grudges. I guess I'm not the nicest person to be around but since 2011 is over now, all I can think of now is 2012 and what lies ahead for me and what kind of a person I should become to make myself a better one.
If you have been following me on facebook I guess most of you have realized that there has been something wrong these few days. I don't wanna touch on what happened since it's already over but from this I've came up with resolutions for myself to lead myself into a more positive thinking.
I've been in this r/s for about 4 years plus and I guess like what J says, I've been revolving myself around 1 person for far too long and it probably have made him feel pressurized about it. I didn't have this problem until 1 year back when I started this habit. I admit I was afraid and that my trust has went down. If I didn't hold grudges against anyone or thought too much into it, would it have been better?
The last few days have been torturous for me cos I missed him so much but yet I still have to control myself to give each other some time to think about whether we want to carry on. Haven't had the appetite to eat, had only less then 3 hours of sleep for 3 days. I'm in my 3rd day of decision already and I know there are a couple of friends who are telling me the good sides and the bad sides of things but my mind is already made up and it seems like nothing is going to change it.
That be my decision but if the other party is to be unwilling and tired and do not want to give a chance, I'd let go with no grudges. Even if if our status were to change, I really do hope we will still be friends :)
My resolutions would be simple this year:
- Stop revolving myself around 1 person and open myself up to others instead of just keep everything to myself when the 1 only person can't be around me.
- Be more forgiving and not be so hot headed.
- I always tend to speak first then regret, so I'm hoping to change that too.
- Even if things were to change, I hope to be friends still and hopefully make up with people who I have held grudges for or them holding grudges against me.
- Be back to my old self when I'm always happy, I don't really know how I did that but yea, I'll try :)
- Appreciate my loved ones
That will be all and hopefully this isn't too much of an emo post cos I didn't intend it to be. I'm trying my best to consume some food but it will take a while, I'll try! And although sleeping has been my forte, this time I can't control. I'll still try, and hope for the better. I'll probably try to go back to sleep later on till I have to head out for the Gelish Workshop invited by The Pinkroom. I'll enjoy it later to take my mind off things as well.
I wish everyone a very happy 2012 and hope the best for everyone~